'Want to build eye muscle? No, probably not, I wouldn't recommend this then'


'my garden's not on sale today because the receptionist is ill'


'buy this dvd now, to show you how to build a 6 pack whilst on myspace'


'when my spoon runs out of battery, I might try and switch to solar spoons'

'Any donations welcome, although we do prefer cheques for dodgy ringtones of sean kingston'


'I like to buy house that already have people in, I tell them to get the hell out, this is my kitchen now'


'if i went back in time, and they didnt have fire , I would show them how after they give the box of matches to me'


'I have an iPod that can store food, and also gigabytes of pure floor space.'


'I make my living by selling circumcision kits on ebay'


'My CV is filled with chocolate wafers, which jump across my eyesight, which results in my dying need to have more jelly in my shoe carton.'


'Sometimes I wake up and try to eat my dog, but she just runs away barking'


'I cant belive my wolf just solved my maths homework'


'Omg, I was just sick all over my keyboard'


'does my bomb look big in this?'


'I love the way you talk to me in Javascript'


'My house is made out of road kill'


'Road kill is my third favourite meal after my ninth favourite, sand'


'How much is that bad ass wolf in the window?'


'I only want to adopt that child if he was born with a legacy'


'Would you like a back massage with that lawn mower'


'Mmmm.... what Lionbar flavour tastes more like metal than an amphibian of juice'


'I am drinking some Marie Celeste juice'


'John sucks balls, all 17'


'German Shepards all ways know when there bleeding, even before it happens'


'Ahh, The Squirrel Chair, what a great choice Ma'm'